I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
