walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
