it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
