My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
