made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
