I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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