Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
