i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
