Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize