at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She's like a pop up book from hell.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
