Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
