Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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