dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize