Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
