i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
