sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize