you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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