I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
