ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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