Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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