Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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