yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
