sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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