I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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