she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize