I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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