YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
