i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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