She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
