when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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