I'm lost and stupid without you.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
