I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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