my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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