This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
