Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize