I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
