So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
