shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
