Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just had sex bonerless
operation have a gay friend backfired
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
