I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
