We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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