Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I supernannyed him into submission
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
