Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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