I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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