turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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