New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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