well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
