ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
