The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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