sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize