just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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