I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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