By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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