And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
