the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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