My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize