I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
