Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
