I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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