i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
