I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize