I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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