Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm always down for nudity.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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