Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i was born a porn star she said
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
