porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
