well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
