so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
